How I Help People Be You-ier
Figure out what your one-of-a-kind life is actually for
Stop editing yourself before you speak
Live a life you'd still pick if you got to pick again
The problem:
Maybe you're tired of saying yes when you mean no. Editing yourself before you speak. Texting "no worries!!" when there are, in fact, worries.
Researchers have a name for what's quietly exhausting you: surface acting.
They came up with the term after studying flight attendants who had to fake what they felt all day. Smile when they didn't mean it. Soften their tone. Perform a more palatable version of themselves.
Those flight attendants ended up significantly more exhausted than their colleagues working identical hours… because they were spending so much time faking a persona.
Unfortunately in today’s world, surface acting is no longer just for flight attendants. It happens in your 10am meetings. At holiday dinners. In every "I'm fine, how are you?"
So if you’re feeling stressed and depressed, you might not have a burnout problem. You might have an authenticity problem.
Who I work with:
People in midlife. Or midcareer change. Or people who got really good at a life that wasn’t really for them… and now they want to start something new.
Some are writers. Some are executives, lawyers, doctors, founders, or creative people who want to more fully express themselves through their talents.
Many of my clients are winning on paper… yet feel like something’s “off.”
Turns out they’re experiencing what’s called "self-alienation."
This is a term used by researchers Alex Wood and Stephen Joseph that describes the uncomfortable experience of not being your truest self. (Or what I call “being you-ier.”)
Wood & Joseph chose the word alienation on purpose. An alien is someone foreign. Someone who doesn't belong.
They were pointing at something specific: the longer you spend performing a version of yourself that isn't really you (at work or in a relationship), the more your actual self starts to feel like an alien to you.
You stop recognizing what you want & what you feel.
Plus... here's the brutal part: Self-alienation is the single strongest predictor of depression and anxiety. Stronger than trauma, stress & loneliness.
Translation: the most exhausting thing a person can do is spend years not being their true selves - which is why I’m such a big believer in "being you-ier.".
Where most people start…
The "Am I Living My Life or Someone Else's?" Test
Before you can live a you-ier life,
you have to see where you stopped living yours.
So here's where most of my clients begin.
A tool I built called: The "Am I Living My Life or Someone Else's?" Test.
It works like this.
You answer a series of questions about yourself in six audits.
Each section pokes at a different part of you.
What you uncover is what I call: “The Wait, This Isn't Mine Gap.”
This is the distance between the life you're actually living vs. the YOU-ier life you truly want.
Some of the things we’ll explore are…
The Real-You Audit
Your true values
Your real fears
Your hidden desires
The Surface Acting Audit
Where you're saying yes when you mean no
Where you're smiling through it
The role you've been playing too long
The "I'm Someone Who…" Audit
The kind of person you say you are
The kind of person you actually act like
The kind of person you'd be proud to become
The Eulogy Audit
What you want said when you're gone
What you've actually done that matters
The legacy you secretly hope for
The "What Would I Do If…" Audit
What you'd do if money didn't matter
What you'd quit tomorrow if you could
What you'd say if you weren't editing yourself
The Calendar Doesn't Lie Audit
How you spend your hours
How you wish you spent them
Who gets your best self
Take the test. Spot the gaps. Then we get to work.
Best part:
You don't have to guess what's been off.
The test hands you the list.
The work & results:
Two of the top regrets of the dying are: I wish I had expressed myself more. And: I wish I had lived truer to myself. So if you want to live a more meaningful life, you need to be you-ier.
I help you discover what your one-of-a-kind life is actually for & aim you in that direction with a do-able plan in hand.
I offer one-on-one You-ier Methodology Coaching in packages of 3, 6, or 12 months.
Together we figure out where you've been shrinking, what stopped you from speaking up… and why.
My philosophy and tools come from 30 years studying ancient wisdom (think Aristotle, Jung, and Kierkegaard) and modern psychology (think Martin Seligman, Adam Grant, and Robert Waldinger).
Plus frankly… from reading an excessive number of research studies.
In particular, I'm a huge fan of the research from Edward Deci and Richard Ryan on Self-Determination Theory. Their studies show that people need autonomy to flourish. As a result, people who chase goals that aren't truly theirs can wind up miserable… even if they win.
Researcher Kennon Sheldon agrees. He found that when your goals feel "self-chosen," you flourish. But when they come from "shoulds and supposed-tos," you burn out.
My coaching methods empower you to embrace your autonomy, so you can figure out what's yours, cut the rest, and build a life around what's left.
I help you to become "you-ier critical thinker," better equipped to handle whatever life sends next.
Praise from Pros
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Marie Forleo | NYTimes Bestselling Author
Karen is a creative force of nature. I simply adore her.
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Kristine Carlson | NYTimes Bestselling Author
Karen Salmansohn is the first person I've ever worked with that actually improved my traffic and monetization on my website - as well as upgraded my branding. Karen can help you brand and market yourself and your business in the way you want to be seen--Park Avenue style.
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Seth Godin | NYTimes Bestselling Author
If you're not happy with what you're getting, maybe you need a whole new plan. Karen Salmansohn offers you one. Start now.
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Goldie Hawn | Award Winning Actress & Founder of The Hawn Foundation
Karen Salmansohn is a big brain in high heels.
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![Tony Hsieh | Founder of Zappos]()
Tony Hsieh | Founder of Zappos
Karen Salmansohn is wildly creative and highly innovative… a creative genius of sorts.
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Jon Stewart, Emmy Award-winning host of The Daily Show
Karen Salmansohn has the wit and sass of a stand up comedian.
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Jen Sincero, NYT bestselling author, You Are a Badass
Karen, you're brilliant and ballsy and HILARIOUS.
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Tim Ferriss, NYT bestselling author of The 4-Hour Workweek
Karen offers research to help you bounce back to an even higher level than your previous bests.
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Tony Robbins
Salmansohn reminds us we are in charge of our own destiny. Funny, profound and heartfelt.
